On the Edge of Desire

While playing Skyrim I asked a question in order in gain enternce into an old Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary. The door asked, "What is life's greatest illusion?" The correct answer was "innocence", but out of the rest of the choices,

But one of the other answers struck with me. It read: "Dreams are reality, and reality is really a dream."

This got me thinking a lot, because for the last few months I have been sleeping in, as late as 5 in the afternoon sometimes. I know it's partly because I don't have a job, but I belive it's mostly because I am so obsorbed in my dreams.

What if my dreams are really reality and the waking life I have been living is really just a dream?

This just rises too many questions.. Yet I feel that I am on the verge of discoverying something grand. I feel that I am on the edge of Desire.

Why I Write

Why do I write?

I write because, writing is an essential part of my life. It is my passion, an uncontrollable addiction, an endless love affair, a weakness, a strength, a chronicle of dreams, a reason for living. Writing for me is living in dreamland while everyone else merely exist in reality.

I write because, for once, no one can tell me what to do. I am the god of my work and even if it is just briefly each day that I hold onto that power, no one can take it away from me. I can do anything, say anything, and create anything in my writing. The possibilities are as endless as my imagination. I write to constantly explore just how far my imagination can go.

I write so I never have to wonder where my head is at. If I didn’t record my thoughts and feelings, than I would mostly likely overload my mind and explode because I have too much going on up there. With the words written down or typed up, I can go back, read and know just what state of mind or mood I was in on any given day.

I write to keep from going insane from the day-to-day mediocre life. In society, I don’t fit in much, but in my writing I can explore places and worlds beyond this one. What else can I do to focus all of these emotions, feelings, and ideas? For me writing is like a therapeutic exercise for my mental wellbeing.

I write to not only give purpose to my life, but to give purpose to writing itself. It is my duty as a writer to invent the next “big” monster, to stray away from the “already been done”, to rekindle originality, to not except bland, mundane things. “Fresh, exciting and unique” are my mission. And into the great beyond is my destination.

I write because I believe it is why I was born. To be as dramatic as possible, I was born to tell stories and share with the world the wonders of my imagination. I write to say that I have something worthwhile to share, and to preserve.

What is more difficult to write: A sex scene or a death scene?

In a disscuss for my fiction workshop class, we debated this question for an entire period. I had this class last spring and have been thinking about the answer since then.            

             I personally think that it is more difficult to write a sex scene because a death scene requires mainly for it to be believable/realistic to produce the right emotions. From car crashes to gun fights to heart attacks, the scene requires action and emotions that cause the reader to feel excitement and dread at the same time. 

            While a sex scene requires to be both realistic and to not sound “cheesy”. A sex scene needs to feel intimate and sexual. Sex is awkward, yes. But it should be written with words one would use during their own real sexual encounters. Be as vulgar as possible or as subtle as the characters personalities portray. The reader needs to be able to sense the high intensely of that first kiss to the last breathless moan.

Is sex an important part of the relationship? 

            This is an important question that needs to be answered for the development of the characters and the story as a whole. It could be possible that the actual sex scene in itself may not be as important as the act. It may therefore, have a greater impact in one’s story to perhaps lead into a sex scene but then never actually go into great details. But rather, let the fade and let a new scene take over.

            On the other hand, the death scene is seen more often as the more important moment in plot development in most stories types. Characters are important. No one has experienced death before. Sex is a natural thing like breathing. Death is the opposite, not breathing. Need to bring out all of the right emotions. You can write around a sex scene. But if you wrote around someone’s death, you lose the important aspects of that person. How did they die, what did they die for, etc.

How do you foreshadow death?

            Both are difficult to write and need to stray away from the clichés. I find that the most important aspect here is word choice. Word choice, in itself is also very difficult to decide. There is for example, the need and respect of publicly correct terms.

Also, to create a good sex or death scene the buildup in both must be very powerful, meaning, etc. Both are equally important aspects of character and plot development and therefore must be presented in such a way. For great examples of these, I have found that one should, (part from books), read about them in plays and movie scripts.

A Much Forgotten History

I am working on a big project for my creative non-fictional class. I decided to write about my girlfriend's house because there was a claim that it used to be a gas station/store in an old town that does not exist now.

It is curious how easily history can be forgotten. How the passing of time can just wash away whole and the peoples who lived long ago. It is even more curious how we back and see glimpses of what was once there but can never gasp the full meaning and understanding, no matter how hard we try.

It is interesting to analyze how the human race seems to exist outside of time, yet is ultimately doomed by it.

Anyone can become a detective to the great mysteries of the past. All you need is a subject. An small idea about something important to you. It must be an important matter, you must force yourself to stick with it, until the end. No matter where the end takes you.

Then you search for the "paper trail". Once you find the first "bread crumb" that piece of evidence that proves something was there, that a history was created, you must lose yourself a time not your own. Take what you know of the present and leave it there for a bit. Focus on what you can learn from the past. Image yourself as part of that lost world.

Once you emerge, recreate your findings so that the rest of the world can make sense of the past. History is all around. We just need to look closely at what is not there to find what was...



My biggest problem with this project is that I am limited on the opportunities of interviewing the expires on the subject of coal mining and a town called Rosemantown.

A good writer would go to the source life in these places and try and find what remains. Unfortunately, for me that all lies 2 and half hours away. And since gas is so expensive, I must settle for phone interviews and less on actually first hand experience...

What makes an idea worth while?

The day started out with a bowl of raisin bran and an hour and half devoted to a show called "Anyone But Me". It was while watching this show that a quote from Oscar Wilde caught my attention.

"An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all".

This got me thinking. What makes an idea dangerous?

The notion of being risky in today's world calls for the need to raise the bar farther than it has ever been raised and then jump over it. What hasn't been done before? What new story can be told?

Once you have discovered something new, you then must test its ability to surpass the everyday. What will make it stand out above all others. What will make people want to read it?

This is were the dangerous part comes in. The "Catcher" that will force audiences to marvel at your work. The "thing" that no one else thought of doing or were not brave enough to do.

If you want to become a great writer, be courageous! Do something new and be bold. Experiment!

This brings to mind another of my favorite quotes.

"If you haven't surprised yourself, you haven't been writing!" --- Eudora Welty.